Coordinated Counsel
Probate through Blended Families
Transcript
CHAD: So let’s go on to number three. We talked about how uncomfortable probate can be for the family. But let’s say you’re going through probate and it’s going by statute. Meaning the state’s picking who’s gonna receive what.
We live in a society where divorce is common. People get remarried. All of a sudden, they have stepsons, stepdaughters. How does that affect the probate process? Does it affect it the probate process?
BARRY: I’m smiling because this feels like those debates where someone asks a question and they go and answer something in a completely different direction. But I will answer your question.
Statutes really aren’t that complicated. It’s black and white. Based on what the facts are, we can tell you what’s going to happen every time. If you don’t have a will, it’s gonna look to the statute and it’s typically gonna go to a surviving spouse and minor children, depending on whether the children are a product of you and your spouse or not. If there’s no spouse and no children, it moves up to parents, siblings, grandparents, great uncles, and then it goes down to more distant relatives. And ultimately if you don’t have any family, it will inevitably go to the state. But that takes time.
A common misconception is that if you don’t have a will, everything immediately goes to the state. That’s not true. What usually happens first is the assets end up with the Department of Unclaimed Funds. We recover assets from there all the time. But if they remain unclaimed long enough, then yes, they eventually go to the state.
Now, you were really asking about blended families, right?
CHAD: Right, because you mentioned it goes to the spouse and then the kids. Well, if you get remarried and now have new kids or have a kid with that new wife, maybe there could be some negative consequences eventually.
BARRY: Yeah. So take a situation where a husband has six children.
CHAD: Busy man.
BARRY: Yeah, I don’t know how to do that. I have two, and that’s more than enough.
Let’s say the huband has six kids and the wife has three kids. And say those three are from the husband. That means the husband has three additional children from a prior relationship. Depending on who passes away first changes who gets what. If the wife passes away first, things go spouse and then three kids — somewhere like that, depending on whether they’re minors or not. If the husband passes away first, the assets go to the spouse and all six kids. So blended families is like rolling the dice, depending on who goes first and whose kids they are.
A lot of times in these families they’ve been together for a long time and they treat these kids who are not their biological kids as if they were their kids. But legally they’re not. Legally, stepchildren get nothing. They’re out in the cold. If you want a result that’s different from what the statute says, you have to plan ahead. Otherwise, it’s black and white.
It’s like common law marriage in Florida. People say, “We’ve been together for 20 years, so I should get something, right?” No. You’re either legally married or you’re not in Florida. That’s it. Black and white.
CHAD: Anything else you want to touch on in this area? Lack of planning and what that can do?
BARRY: “Lack of planning” is such a broad topic.
CHAD: Lack of planning in the context of probate and inheritance outcomes.
BARRY: I think for now we’ve covered the key points. If something else comes to mind, we can circle back to it later.
Why Blended Families Face Higher Risk in Probate — Even When Everyone Gets Along
By: Barry E. Haimo, Esq.
February 26, 2026
Blended families often assume they’re protected by good intentions. After all, they’ve built a life together. They’ve raised children under one roof. They refer to each other as family. From the inside, the relationships feel settled and understood.
However, probate doesn’t recognize family dynamics — it only recognizes legal relationships.
That disconnect is where problems begin.
Probate Doesn’t Follow Emotional Bonds
When someone dies without clear planning, probate follows a rigid hierarchy. That means people who are deeply connected emotionally may have no legal standing at all. And people who were distant — or even estranged — may inherit simply because the law says so.
This is especially common in blended families, where stepchildren and long-term partners often assume they’re included by default.
They’re not.
Timing Can Quietly Change Outcomes
In blended families, outcomes often hinge on timing rather than intent. Who passes away first can dramatically alter who inherits.
That’s right — a plan that seems fair when everyone is alive can unravel based on sequence alone.
That unpredictability is unsettling for families who believe they’ve already “worked it out.” Because probate doesn’t preserve informal agreements; it resets the board based on the facts at death.
“We’ll Figure It Out Later” Rarely Works
Many blended families rely on trust instead of documentation. They assume the surviving spouse will “do the right thing” or that children will sort it out amicably.
Sometimes that happens. But probate introduces structure, deadlines, and financial pressure. Those are conditions under which even reasonable people can disagree. What starts as cooperation can turn into conflict once money, grief, and legal constraints collide.
The absence of a plan doesn’t keep things flexible. It removes flexibility entirely.
The Illusion of Fairness
One of the hardest moments in probate is when outcomes feel unfair, but are legally correct.
Stepchildren may be excluded entirely. Children from a prior relationship may receive less than expected. Long-term partners may be treated like strangers.
At that point, it’s not about what feels right. It’s about what’s enforceable.
And once probate is underway, changing course is difficult and expensive — when it’s even possible.
Planning Isn’t About Favoritism, It’s About Clarity
Estate planning in blended families isn’t about choosing sides. It’s about removing ambiguity.
Clear planning:
- Aligns legal outcomes with real relationships
- Reduces the risk of resentment and litigation
- Protects vulnerable family members from being unintentionally excluded
Most importantly, it ensures decisions are made intentionally rather than by default rules that were never designed for modern family structures.
The Cost of Silence
Not planning doesn’t preserve harmony. It postpones difficult conversations and shifts the burden to the next generation.
When those conversations happen for the first time in probate, they’re no longer private, calm, or controlled. They happen under legal pressure, with permanent consequences.
Blended families face unique challenges not because they’re unstable, but because the law hasn’t caught up with how families actually live.
Thoughtful planning bridges that gap.
Without it, probate will fill in the blanks — whether the answers fit your family or not.
We can help you craft legally sound plans before it becomes a problem.
And if you’re interested in getting all of your advisors on the same page, reach out to Kinnect Financial.
